


Tenebrous Skies

by Serpex



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Camaraderie, Dead People, Depression, Eld is Dead, Everyone is Dead, Guilt, Gunther is Dead, Jean is Dead, M/M, Marco is dead, Memories, Mentioned Character Death, Oluo is Dead, One Shot, PTSD, Past, Petra is dead, Random & Short, Sad, Shame, Short One Shot, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Trauma, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, angst and death, canon AU, ereri, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 09:11:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11894571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serpex/pseuds/Serpex
Summary: Being in the Survey Corps was a death wish. Only those who were skilled enough to survive could fight against the titans, yet the heart of those soldiers are heavy. The man or woman standing next to you yesterday could be gone in an instant today. However, those lost will always linger among the tenebrous skies.





	Tenebrous Skies

**Author's Note:**

> This is a small little one shot that I wrote while waiting for my dad to get his kidney transplant. It's a little deep, but I guess it turned out alright. I hope you guys leave a kudos and comment if you enjoyed!
> 
> There is no smut, but there is cursing for any young child out there. Like less than ten swear words, man. Surprisingly.
> 
> It is a little depressing though. I won't lie and say it's all happy go lucky, cuz it's not. So, continue with that in mind.

It's cutting me like a knife. The horror, the pain, the tears that await my nights following every day that things worsen. I can see our men, our friends and family, our comrades all being devoured. Why won't it come off? No matter how much I scrub at my body, the scent doesn't come off.

The sharp iron smell of blood that overwhelms my senses, the feeling of it dripping yet burning into my flesh at the same time. The deafening roar that the titans cry as they fall, it rattles my ears. I scratch behind them and all over, but the ringing won't stop. I can still see it. The trailing intestines following each soldier, decapitated bodies littering the plains, or perhaps the flailing arms of those who were not prepared and befell the jaws of a titan from lack of experience.

But none of it can make up for me. None of it will go away.

"Eren," a solid voice calls. The empty showers stalls around me echo with the man's voice and already, I know who it is. The water is shut off as the small firm body approaches mine. Strong arms wrap around me as lips reach up to tentatively kiss and abuse the skin of my nape.

"Captain," I murmur softly. My voice cracks and tears spill as my chest grows heavy. "It won't go away. It hurts so bad."

"I know," Levi muttered. "I know what it's like. You still feel it, don't you?"

"He was alive. He was alive, Levi!" I cried. "Jean was there laughing, and then suddenly he was gone. I was next to him and should've helped him. But that titan just gouged its teeth into his flesh. He fell back into my arms like a doll, eyes glazed over with death. What am I supposed to do now?"

"All of us, Eren, each and every single one of us chose this path. But you mustn't let the chains of your comrades carry you down with them," he said with a heaving sigh. Hot tears rolled down my cheek as Levi began to wipe my dripping body with a towel. "You must live on in remembrance of those you lost."

"And what if I can't? What if I'm not enough? If I didn't possess the titan-shifting ability, do you really think anyone would care? I'd just be another soldier to sacrifice for strong people like you. I'm nothing but a stepping stone to you."

"That's enough, Eren," Levi said sternly. "You're an amazing soldier, and while you may lack maturity, you are still an asset to our cause just like all of us."

"Captain, you... That time in the forest, with Annie, if Mikasa hadn't said anything, would you have still rescued me?" I asked.

"That isn't related to—"

"Just answer me, Captain! Would you or would you not leave me behind?"

"Eren..."

"Goddamit, yes or no, Levi?!" I shouted. I turned and glared down at Levi's small stature. He briefly held eye contact before shifting his gaze away.

"As a squad leader, I have responsibility towards all my soldiers before one lone brat. I... would not have gone back for you," he said in a quiet voice. His whispers bounced off the empty tile walls and sank into my heart.

"I understand." I grabbed the towel out of Levi's hand before walking out to grab my clothes. "I shall see you at dinner... Captain."

**********

The empty tables lingered around the room, void of all laughter. The other cadets had already retired to their rooms leaving only Levi and myself awake. He say at the edge of the table, sipping his tea. I could tell he was on edge, the way his gaze was determined to avoid meeting mine.

I was a fool. An unspeakably ignorant fool.

I'm nothing more than an adult child who lived in a facade. I felt like a ten year old again, watching my mother get ripped out from my life, literally. For what reason was I born in this world? I should live simply because I was born. Isn't that right? Or am I just wrong? It was all fault everyone is dying. Shouldn't I be there with them? Yet here I am. The rest of Levi's squad is gone, Marco is gone, and so many more. Jean has joined the souls of the dead tonight. The worst part, I'm losing him just as I lost everyone else.

We couldn't bring his body back just like the others. I can still see his cocky smirking face glaring at me. But, I've already forgotten. I've forgotten the sound of his voice. Would he laugh if he saw me, I wonder? These feelings of a parasite inside my gut, they're a pit of despair blooming and dragging my body around lifelessly.

The silence of the room was suffocating. I glanced at Levi as he kept drinking, his Adam's Apple bobbing with every gulp. I continued to bare my eyes into the wooden wall, daring the bark to peel off. I felt disgusted with myself, angry at the fool I had become. I unleashed a deep sigh, relishing as air left my lungs leaving it burning to get oxygen. I closed my eyes, and felt as my throat constricted and begged to breath. I could hear my heart pound and my chest pulsating. I couldn't feel anything as my fingers and toes grew numb, slowly traveling up my body.

All of a sudden, I bolted awake as a hand smacked across my cheek. I gasped and coughed as air filled my lungs once more. My blurred vision focused onto a wide eyed Levi, his grey eyes dilating and changing as he looked me over.

"Never in my life, Eren, have I seen a man suffocate themselves by sitting and doing nothing," he said exasperated.

"Tch," I scoffed. "Like you would care. You'd leave me behind like the others. Just like all the others."

"You truly believe I wanted to ditch their bodies?" he asked in a low tone. He pulled out the seat across from me and sat down. He folded his arms and leaned back. "If this war ends before I die, I plan to go back to every piece of land we ever tread. Whether it be their emblems, their rotting corpses, or their bones, I will return to every single soldier, Eren. They may not ride alongside me anymore, but I can still feel them near me. Their spirits fuel me, and I will never forget any cadet who laid down his or her life for me."

"Humph, too bad I can't lay down my life for you without reparations anymore," I said monotonously. "Of course, some of us are dead because of you. Or have you forgotten about Isabel and Farlan already? You left them behind after all." Levi slammed his hand onto the table.

"How the hell do you know about them?" he shouted. "Only those who survived know about that."

"Yeah, Erwin told me," I answered.

"That walking piece of shit," he scowled. "What happened then was a long time ago. I made the wrong choice, Eren."

"... When I die, will you get my body too?" All of a sudden, Levi jumped up and grabbed my collar. My body scraped against the rough oak tables like sandpaper grazing my skin.

"Do not ever say that again, brat," he spat. "In a time where death is ever looming, don't ever say you are worth throwing away. Last time, I thought I lost you. I thought you were gone forever. If you had died, I would have taken the blow. You know what I was thinking, Eren? That I was a failure. That I hadn't trained you enough for this war. I wanted to believe you were ready. But when Annie attacked, I was lost. I ran not wanting to succumb to my emotions because when I broke down with Isabel and Farlan, I lost myself. And seeing you in that cell, I realized. In you, I found myself, Eren. That day was one trial, but you will not die. You will stand by me and we'll both make it out alive. We'll make it to the ocean."

His hands shook as I gaped, watching tears well up in his grey irises. I was dropped as Levi collapsed into his chair. Both of us were unmoving as silence filled the dining hall once more.

How is it that Levi saw himself in me? Was it pity? Maybe, I really am nothing but a weakling to him. Yet, he gained strength by losing the humanity he had. I wasn't going to lose anymore of my friends. I will save them all, even if no one saves me.

"Eren," Levi suddenly said.

"What is it?" I asked, glancing up to meet his weary eyes.

"Come to the roof with me," he stated.

"Is that an order?"

"...No, but I just want some fresh air. Join me?"

I took a deep breath and furrowed my brow. I wasn't in any mood to return to the basement, but I suppose I could tolerate Levi a little longer. I stood up as my answer and Levi followed suit. We trekked the dark stone walls over the next few minutes. No words were exchanged, and only the sound of hollow footsteps trailed the halls.

The cool air of the night pricked our skin and soothed our heavy minds. The light breeze snaked through the fields outside the castle under the starry night sky. Small streaks of grey clouds obscured the stars, but they all peeked their shimmering figures as each puff passed.

Levi and I leaned into the railing, simply breathing in the peace night held from the titans. It seems almost surreal having this serenity compared to the hell wrought upon us daily.

I wonder what it would be like to have that freedom eternally?

"It sure is nice out tonight," I said. Levi hummed in response. I turned to see that he was staring down at the ground instead of the sky. In frustration, I took a hand to his chin and forced his head up.

"The stars are up here, Captain," I spat disdainfully.

"I know," was all he replied. I saw his shoulders tense up and he looked pained watching the world turn in slow motion.

"What's wrong? This was your idea yet you seem upset."

"I used to watch the stars with them," he whispered. His chest heaved with a sigh before he continued. "Isabel and Farlan, both of them once stood next to me staring up at the same stars that we see now."

"If you had the chance to go back knowing what would happen, would you have tried to save them?"

Levi glanced at me before returning to the tenebrous skies, eyes shaking at the memories.

"...Yes, I would," he replied. "And if I was given a second chance with you, I'd save you in a heartbeat knowing you were alive."

Levi is a strange man. He is obsessive over cleanliness, obsolete in using street fighting techniques in battle, swift, and strong, yet he is but a novice in the game of love. He's lost everyone that he cared about. However, he refuses to act upon his loved ones. No, it's rather, he is scared of loving. I laughed at the thought.

"Hah. Hey, Captain, when I fall from heaven out of the skies, will you catch me?" I asked.

Levi raised an eyebrow and muttered a simple, "What kind of a question is that?"

"Well, would you?" I persisted. Levi clicked his tongue.

"I just said so, didn't I? In a heartbeat," he responded. With a nod, I stood straight up.

"Then, catch me now."

And I propelled myself over the railing.

**Author's Note:**

> I was intending to write a bit of Holding On, but I suddenly got the urge to write a one shot. It was just a little snipbit of my mind brought on by fatigue and tiredness. In any case, I hope you enjoyed this and look towards to the future with more stories to come ^^ 
> 
> Drop a kudos and a comment to let me know what you thought!


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